Like, We Don’t Talk Good No More and Junk

My friends on Facebook have been passing this image around for the past few days, and I believe no fewer than ten of them have posted it on my wall or tagged me in it on theirs. At first, it made me laugh just by virtue of the topic itself, and I then began to snicker at the sheer number of people whose first thought was, “I bet Jamie will like this” when they read it for the first time.

I’ve been called a stickler, a word nerd, and a nitpicky know-it-all. The labels Grammar Narc, Grammar Ninja, and a Grammar Nazi have all been written in haste and stuck to my chest like nametags. Oftentimes, people I know and love do it in jest, but sometimes the terms come across as slightly more pejorative than facetious. When people I meet find out I once was an English teacher or that I copy edit for a living, they throw up their hands and almost always reply, “I’ll have to watch what I say around you!” I guess they think I have a stash of red pens in my hair and am just waiting for an opportunity to wield them like a samurai on a battlefield in feudal Japan.

I hurl grammar with deadly accuracy!

When anyone on television states, “This works faster,” my husband knows I will reply, “…more quickly” and roll my eyes. I patronize Publix because it is the only grocery store I know of that has “10 Items or Fewer” on their express lane signs instead of “10 Items or Less.” (If you don’t know why the former is correct, I suggest you educate yourself about count and noncount nouns.)

Yes, I know all the proper ways to punctuate sentences and firmly believe the use of the Oxford is necessary, delightful, and apropos. I choose to use words like myopic, sententious, pulchritudinous, akimbo, and badinage because each of them has etymological value; they are a part of the history of the English language and deserve, like the Blue whale or the wild Mustang, to be preserved for future generations.

Voldemort cleans up nicely!

I’ve fought the battle for decades—as a writing tutor, an editor, and an educator—and I’m tired of apologizing for knowing the right answers and being derided when I ask others learn them. That’s why Ralph Nathaniel Twisleton-Wykeham-Finnes just moved from “Greatly Admired” to “Personal Hero” status in my book.

This week, he made his directorial debut with an adaptation of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus. When asked about the bard’s continuing relevance in modern culture, he stated , “Our expressiveness and our ease with some words is being diluted so that the sentence with more than one clause is a problem for us, and the word of more than two syllables is a problem for us.”

Mr. Twisleton-Wykeham-Finnes primarily blames social media sites like Twitter and sound bites for the atrocious decay of the English language, and I have to say that while I concur with him in part, I can’t lay the blame solely at technology’s feet. (Pun intended!) No one put a gun to our heads and demanded that we communicate in 140 characters or fewer. We chose to do so, and we did it with a reckless abandon that would make Syme clap his hands in glee because Newspeak has finally reached its zenith.

E-mail loosened the rules, but it is archaic for most people today, phased out in favor of texting, posting, and other forms of communication that take place via agile thumbs rather than dexterous minds.

The latest craze, which often leaves me gibbering like a low level inmate in Arkham Asylum, is the seemingly arbitrary addition or removal of letters from what would otherwise be a coherent sentence. For example, one of my former students recently shared this literary gem with the rest of us:

myyyy MOM saiddddd iiiiii cannnnnn goooooooooooo 2 the GAAAMMMEEEEEEEE 2niteeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! :- D <3<3<3

In case you don’t care to translate, the young lady was expressing her elation over the fact her mother had decided to allow her to attend a sporting event at school that evening. She drove the full measure of her bliss home by using a plethora of exclamation points, a wide grin smiley, and three hearts to show that she does indeed love her benevolent parent.

Like Dian Fossey, I spent many years living in the wild with another species (A.K.A “teenagers”) trying to interpret their body language and various methods of communication. From my research, I gleaned several interesting truths. One, if you add extra letters to the end of a word, it means that you are emphasizing it. Adults have been known to do this as well, typically in the interest of sarcasm—“I am sooooooooo tired of meetings!” for example. However, most people limit the effect to one emphatic word rather than appearing as if we took a header into the keyboard.

ALL CAPS, once a total faux pas on “teh intertubes,” is now acceptable for the same purpose. No longer are you “yelling” if you choose to lean on the caps lock button. Also, while most people can’t tell me what a homonym, homophone, or homograph is, they’re all for using it when it shortens the time between texts. Hence, the use of “2” for “to” or “too” in written language these days.

The removal of letters, mostly vowels, is also cause for great concern. It was all well and good when they lifted them on game shows like Bumper Stumpers, but to simply let them fall out of a word like loose teeth is deplorable.

If you’ve not seen it, this is what passes for thoughtful communication in some circles:

yeh dya remembr , i lst contrl! Nearly sure brad fell off!

I don’t have any clue as to the context of this statement, so I can’t help you with that. However, I think this roughly translates to, “Yes. Do you remember how I lost control? I was fairly sure Brad fell off of ____________.” (I couldn’t end a sentence with a preposition, so I added space where the unmentioned object he plummeted from belongs.)

None of the words in the “full length” sentence are terribly difficult to spell, but, for some reason, it is acceptable to cut them at will. Spacing between commas and excessive exclamation points in addition to all this makes me want to do an impression of Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

Like Cassandra, I’ve been warning others about the flippant usage of words and settling for “good enough” when it comes to communication. Words have the power to inspire people, for good or ill, and, like a weapon, they must be respected. God entrusted us with them for glorious and matchless purposes, and we’re squandering them, tossing them aside like disposable paper cups by a water cooler.

How different would the American Revolution have been had Patrick Henry not uttered sentences like these in his speech to the Virginia Convention in 1775?

If we wish to be free if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained, we must fight!

What might our nation look like today without Martin Luther King’s rallying cry for brotherhood before the Lincoln Memorial in 1963?

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

I’m not asking for a total return to the rules of yesteryear. I understand that the English language is a kind of living, breathing creature with a mutability that has allowed it to flourish around the globe for centuries. This truth alone is enough to convince me it is worth defending, but even more precious than our language’s history is the desolate future we’ll surely face without it.

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23 thoughts on “Like, We Don’t Talk Good No More and Junk

  1. Thoroughly enjoyed this, it articulates what I too, with deteriorating determination I might add, attempt to influence within my surroundings. I relish in your command of the English language and consider 99% of individuals who label one as ‘Word Nerd’ or something (which I would take as a supreme compliment as words are awesome) in a pejorative and derogatory sense are often envious or intimidated. This was great to read, although I had to look up ‘myopic’ as I had never encountered it before! This added to my enjoyment of the post due to my relentless thirst for new words!
    I found what you said about sites like Twitter interesting and something that I have often pondered upon, however, I have been of the opinion that Twitter is perhaps more of an encouragement to speak well and with wit? As opposed to its competitors one has a limited amount of characters in which to express themselves, and although it is evident that it could be argued that therefore it encourages the abbreviations and slang, I have considered it an encouragement to expel something suspenseful and witty in a short phrase. I’m a bit odd though.
    Sorry for this essay of a comment and thank you for the post!

    1. You’re right about Twitter. Some people really can make the most of 140 characters and create something Hemmingway would be proud of. Franklin did it with many an aphorism in Poor Richard’s Almanac as well. I take issue with the ones like I gave in this piece. It’s all about the person who wields it, not the technology.

      I am so glad you came by for a read and that you enjoyed it. Keep up the good fight when it comes to words, sir! 🙂

  2. There are enough of us who revere the English language enough to try to use it properly, but our numbers are fading. I love posts like this that remind us to pay attention to our language and remind me that I’m not the only “word nerd” out there!

    1. That means a lot coming from you, Lorna. You are a wielder of words in the first degree; your humor is always something I look forward to reading. Keep loving words and using them the glorious way you do!

    1. Sad, isn’t it? I wouldn’t mind it so much if people did this in addition to speaking properly, but that’s not the case. People could never fully “trust their ears” when it came to grammar, but it’s impossible today with language being abused the way it is. I taught for a decade, and I told students, “Make sure you mind what you say because people will make judgments about you based on it.” A few have come back and said “Thanks,” so I feel like it was worth it.

      Thanks for coming by for a read! 🙂 I appreciate you taking the time to do so AND to leave a comment!

  3. Enjoyed your post. I, too, abhor needless abbreviations and make it a point to never substitute ‘your’ with ‘ur.’ And I always use the Oxford! Don’t worry too much about social media, Twitter and Facebook will eventually phase out as popular culture pops their bubble someday. The tipping point will come when enough people realize that social media actually makes one less social. There is nothing so stable as change – Bob Dylan.

    Keep it up, we need more stickler teachers like you.

    1. I was indeed a stickler. Now, I’m a stickler with writers who look to me for editing. New place, same face and same goal. Thanks for coming by and for leaving such a great comment. I appreciate it!

  4. I wish I could press the “like” button a hundred times! I feel pretty much the way you do. I refuse to degrade my language, even in social media (I’ll confess that I do, occasionally, type “LOL”). The practice of adding letters for emphasis is not, in and of itself, so annoying, but when they add additional silent letters at the end of a word such as “homeeeeeeeeeee,” it does not, as they think, indicate “Hoooooome,” but, rather “homey.” At least that’s what I see. Instead “I love that movie,” I see “I lovey that movie.” We have gotten lazy, and I find it quite frightening. Spelling and punctuation are all but missing on Facebook and Twitter, but it started before they came along. You are also correct in pointing that out. We can’t blame technology.

    My biggest pet peeve is apostrophe abuse. There is a sign on the guard shack where I work that says something that “driver’s” are supposed to do. Every time I see it, I want to rip it down and shred it. It seems that everyone wants to put apostrophes in plurals, these days. It drives me crazy.

    I’m also a big fan of the Oxford comma. I will forever use it. And I still put TWO spaces at the end of a sentence. I don’t CARE what Chicago says!

    Thanks for this entry. It was invigorating!

    1. Hee hee! It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this fight. I, too, revolt against unnecessary apostrophes with plurals and the fact that my iPhone wants to make all “it’s” have one regardless of whether or not it is necessary. We have allowed it to occur by not demanding it of youngsters and by allowing people to force us away from red ink and honest, constructive criticism in favor in order to avoid hurt feelings. I often told students, “I don’t care about your self esteem. That’s your job. When you do something well for me, you’ll have plenty you will have earned.”

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate your feedback!

    1. Isn’t that the John Brown truth!? Our culture celebrates ignorance without even knowing why, which is both ridiculous and sad. Thanks for reading and subscribing! I look forward to digging into your blog as well!

    1. So glad you had fun with this one. I know I did. 🙂

      I have more pet peeves than I care to discuss here, both grammatical and non. Once you got me started, I’d likely turn into something akin to a snowball rolling down a hill. By the time I was finished, there would be a broken trail behind me and several suffocated bodies trapped within my fluffy girth.

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